The Flagging Dad

Feb 16

Feb 16 Saturday Sports Clubs

Our first stop was Joshua’s tennis class at the university - a 9 a.m. start which is exactly one hour too early. We dropped Louise off at the gym on the way and, in the car, she politely informed me that I “stink of beer and need a shower” which was rather demoralizing given I had already had one.

While Joshua is playing tennis, Jacob and I usually kick a ball around or go on an “adventure” which involves me turning into a monster while he runs along benches pretending the floor is lava. On this particular Saturday, I brought the iPad.

Jan 8

Jan 8 January: The Least Wonderful Time of the Year

Andy Carter

With the boys’ birthdays falling on either side of Christmas, life becomes a relentless stream of delivery men from November to January. Aside from one chap who I like – he calls me “my guy” and makes me feel young again – I will be glad when this period is over, and I can work from home without having to leave meetings to answer the door to men dropping off Lion King tepees.

Dec 4

Dec 4 Countdown to Christmas

Andy Carter

On Friday morning, the boys burst into our bedroom, shouting, and within approximately 12 seconds, Joshua had located the advent calendars I had hidden behind an armchair.

‘They were meant to be a surprise for later,’ I said glumly as he stuffed a chocolate into his face and Jacob started tearing numerous windows open.

‘What are you doing, Jacob? It’s one day at a time. You know this.’

‘No, I don’t!’ he shouted, then had the audacity to shove a second chocolate into his mouth before starting to cry.

Jun 24

Jun 24 Center Parcs, 2023 (part 2)

Andy Carter

Our next stop was the Jardin des Sports where Louise ordered a pair of espresso martinis. This seemed a wildly inappropriate drink given we were surrounded by badminton courts and a roller-skating class. I was also surprised as she is becoming increasingly cautious with her caffeine consumption; when I made a latte for her at 2 pm recently, she looked livid.

“I’m not drinking coffee at this time, Andy! Have you gone mad?”

May 23

May 23 Menorca (part 1)

Andy Carter

We were on an early morning flight meaning 3.30 am alarms to peel two sleeping children out of their beds and bundle them into an Uber. Ordinarily, there is nothing good about being in a twilight taxi aged 35 but this was our first trip abroad since 2017 and I was feeling jovial. Sadly, this was quelled as we arrived at Leeds Bradford Airport to see an unfathomably long, snaking queue to security. Joining us at the back, a man in a Lambretta tracksuit was livid, swearing quite a lot, and saying he was willing to pay “up to £35” to jump to the front which seemed an oddly specific limit. He then stormed off, presumably to find a Jet 2 employee to haggle with.

“What did he expect?” Louise said, shaking her head. “Has he not been watching the news?”

“I know, how ridiculous,” I replied.

I had not been watching the news and I was not expecting this.